Creative Intensity

Reflecting on Perspective

2011-12-06T01:12:00.007-06:00

Last week I sat down to work on my Systematic Theology III paper on Jonathan Edwards. I found myself distracted as I wrote by World AIDS Day events.

I read WorldVision ACT:s' stories on "Ten Things You Need to Know about the AIDS Pandemic" and "FIve Prayer Points for World AIDS Day"

ONE Campaign and (RED) ran a round table discussion featuring the last three presidents as well as Bono, Alicia Keys, Senator Marco Rubio, Coca-Cola's CEO, and others.

There are many misconceptions about AIDS, and the role the US plays in relief efforts abroad.

It is possible for mothers who are HIV positive not to transmit the virus to their babies. Anti-Retrovirus Vaccines save thousands of lives. The US spends less than 1% of its budget on foreign aid which saves thousands of lives.

I know the economy is the big issue of the day. Something Sen. Rubio pointed out, "The economy is tough, but it will be even tougher if we didn't have a workforce to take part in that global economy."

Watching this really put things in perspective for me.

My problems are that I had a 15 page term paper due the following week, I have to take my CDL test, and I still don't have enough money to pay for seminary.

Honestly, my problems are small compared to the 1000 who are born with AIDS every day, and the 24,000 who die due to conditions of abject poverty.

IT doesn't have to be this way. Most die because of the lack of clean water and access to waste disposal. The untreated waste in the world would fill up the Superdome in three days.

As small as my problems are compared to the greater ones faced by so many, our God is bigger.

This reminded me why I am going into ministry.

Kay Warren reminded me the church has always been at the heart of the community. Christ calls us to take care of the sick, the poor, the widows and orphans.

Francis Schaeffer told his students, we must make the distinction that we ask God to build His Kingdom here on earth and use us as He sees fit.

In my Father's Kingdom there will be no AIDS, poverty, injustice, slavery. By doing what we can here, by His grace, for His glory we will see His Kingdom transform our world. There will come a day where all wrongs will be settled and accounted for, either by the Blood or by wrath.

By doing what we can to end the injustices of our day, we are pressing into the Kingdom.

So what can we do now? Add your voice. Everyday, our leaders make decisions that affect the lives of millions. ONE has several opportunities to let our leaders know how we feel.

TEll someone else. WorldVision ACT:s offers advocacy kits to educate. We can see a generation free of AIDS.

Here's another good place to start.

And a bit closer to home, do something to serve someone you wouldn't normally.

I remember talking about some of these issues with someone else who disagreed with me. He told me, "We can't save the world."

I answered, "We saved the world three times last century and put a man on the moon while we were at it."

Sen. Rubio agreed with me, "This is the nation that ended WWII, that put a man on the moon. This will be greater than any accomplishment."

There's a new world for the winning. The day is here.

Edwards tells us to press into the Kingdom. "God is now calling you in an extraordinary manner: and it is agreeable to the will and word of Christ, that I should now, in his name, call you, as one set over you, and sent to you to that end; so it is his will that you should hearken to what I say, as his voice. I therefore beseech you in Christ's stead now to press into the kingdom of God! Whoever you are, whether young or old, small or great; if you are a great sinner, if you have been a backslider, if you have quenched the Spirit, be who you will, do not stand making objections, but arise, apply yourself to your work! Do what you have to do with your might. Christ is calling you before, and holding forth his grace, and everlasting benefits, and wrath is pursuing you behind; wherefore fly for your life, and look not behind you! But here I would particularly direct myself to several sorts of persons."

Of This World and Another World

2011-11-18T02:16:00.014-06:00

My original thoughts were to post a list of my favorite films. I decided against that for a couple of reasons. First is that no one really cares of my opinion and analysis, second is such lists are overdone in the blogosphere.

As I mulled over some of my favorite films, literature, video games, music ect. I thought about why I like them. Without using words like, "Architectonic meta-narrative" or what have you, I find they resonate with my deepest longings.

So what do I mean by that?

In the opening credits of "Laputa: Castle in the Sky" a world is shown with fantastic flying islands which crowd out the skies.

And I watch that, and think, "I want to live there. Whatever happened to that world?"

Two of my favorite video games, Legend of Zelda and Chrono Trigger both reference Laputa heavily and give the most fleeting glimpses these wonderfully pristine worlds that seem untouched by corruption.

In Zelda, particularly Link to the Past, there's Golden Land or Sacred Realm that has the imprints of divinity left on it.

In Chrono Trigger, there is an attempt to create an enlightened world free of earthbound influences.

But both places fall because of corrupt ambition.

These stories reminded me of Tolkien's Silmarillion, which is my favorite book. In the creation account of Middle Earth, it begins with Eru, The One, gathering his children the Ainur to sing before him. They sing a grand, beautiful theme. It continues until Melkor sees himself as greater than his creator and begins to weave his own designs into the theme.

Unlike the grand theme, his is vain and clamourous and repetitive. Even though others join Melkor, his song is nowhere near as glorious as the one he is meant to sing. Before Melkor and his rebels are cast out, everyone is given a glance at the grand theme and their role in it. There will be a new song sung in a new world unmarred, that is more beautiful than the first, but not until there has been great conflict.

The same holds true in some of my other favorite books. These are stories that show the brokenness and fallenness of this world, which resonate because we long for the harmony of the world we've been denied.

The chorus in the finale of "Les Miserables" asks, "Beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?"

In Moby Dick as the Pequot sinks into the great shroud of the sea that rolls as it did five thousand years ago, our imaginations are cast back to a world before it fell. As Ishmael awaits rescue he is surrounded by "unharming sharks" and seahawks with "sheathed beaks" as though they have come from the world we long for.

I wrote some time ago about how I long for things that don't exist such as espressosaketinis and Riskopoly. These longings still have their roots in reality.

The longings that resonate with these stories and the worlds they give ever brief glimpses into are rooted in the reality we have not yet experienced.

What do I mean by that?

Proverbs 13:12 says, "A longing deferred makes the heart sick, but hope fulfilled is a tree of life."

Longing, as used by the ancient Hebrews, meant what we in our deepest inner core thirst for.

Tim Keller explains it by saying, "Our deepest longings, the things we put our hearts upon to fulfill our deepest longings, we will never fulfill them because we are searching for, in everything we do, is the tree of life."

Commentators says, "the Tree of Life is an image of immortal, eternal life, but also an image of irretrievable loss, some cosmic nostalgia. A longing for something that we remember but never had."

When I listen to music, I'm listening for a song that I've never actually heard. When I look at art, I'm looking for a world I haven't seen. When I'm out in the woods, I search for a path there.

When I photograph the sunset, I hope to catch a glimpse.

I haven't seen it but I know its there.

Lewis explains it that when we look into our own hearts we are searching for something that we are acutely aware that we cannot have in this world. "There's always something we grasp at in that first moment of longing that fades in reality, our lifelong nostalgia, our longing to be reunited from something in the universe which we have been cut off is no mere neurotic fantasy but the truest index of our real situation."

These worlds that I long to explore through these stories give me foretastes of the world we long for that we have not set foot in. There have been moments in my life, that if they were to last forever, I would be content. But they all end in grief.

This longing creates conflict in my story.

I find I am compelled to conflict and story. Trafalgar and the American Civil War were both pivotal moments in the stories of three nations. The same is true in Mixed Martial Arts, when two fighters step into the cage, we are seeing the intersection of their life stories. Even two professional wrestlers with good in-ring ability and workrates can tell a riveting story with their match.

There is a grand battle being fought all around us as we are daily being put to death, and we battle not with forces seen, but with unseen powers and principalities. The beauty is that the victory has been won on our behalves.

The beauty of God's grand story, is that we do not get just walk-on roles. We're more than just extras. We are the stars of the grandest story in creation. God weaves our personal own narratives into the epic cosmic narrative that began with Him speaking creation into being and will end with Him sharing His glory with us.

Jonathan Edwards says "We are stars in the hands of the Christ."

The beauty is that our longings will be fulfilled by the One who created us with longings so that we may seek Him as our fulfillment. The Tree of Life that we lost in the world we were evicted from will be made new. The song will be sung again, more beautiful than it was at the beginning, and it will go on without end, giving us what Tolkien calls, "joy above the walls of the world."

We're told in the book of Daniel, "Those who have insight will shine brightly like the brightness of the expanse of heaven, and those who lead the many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever. "

Now is the Autumn of My Discontent

2011-11-04T00:42:00.007-05:00

"Autumn is the time of year, that I should like to meet you here

to find when you cross my face

To dream of what tomorrow may be despite what yesterday was

to have your company.

Can I wait, here with you?"

Jason Harwell, "Can I Wait?"

No season makes me feel more alive than the fall. Something about Autumn's flames

that ignite the trees that makes me realize that all the old is being ushered out in a glorious

display to bring in new life. While we have endure cold and darkness and barrenness,

it will come.

About a month ago I was playing my first wedding. I've been more than I can remember, but this was the first time I've been a wedding musician. I found that a little surprising as I have several friends and am a competent musician. As I talked with my friend who I played guitar for, I was reminded not much of life has gone according to plan.

This semester is one example. I have had not been able to cover my living expenses with the money coming in from work. While I am extremely grateful to have two jobs that I absolutely love, hours have been scant and it's been difficult when the red in my register overpowers the black. I had to close an account because the numbers were on the wrong side for too long. I haven't been able to pay my phone bill for a couple months now. I'm still not sure how I'm going to pay for seminary.

And I know I'm not alone in facing any uncertainty. A quick perusing of any news scroll, or a glance at a paper, or just a quick browsing of a facebook or twitter feed will tell you there's a great deal of unrest and restlessness in the world. From the famine in the Horn of Africa, to the financial crises in Greece, Ireland, Spain, USA, to the political unrest in the Middle East and former Soviet republics, it is easy to see the shadow.

Inspite of all this, I can't help but to find myself unflaggingly optimistic.

This doesn't mean that I bury my head in the sand, oblivious to my responsibilities, nor to the oppression in the world. It means I can work to fulfill my responsibilities and against the affliction knowing there's meaning behind it.

I know how the story ends and it ends well. It doesn't get a fairytale, happily ever after ending, but a very real closure into an eternal beginning. A beginning where heaven comes down to earth and all that is old is burned away ushering in a new glorious existence. A beginning where all wrongs are accounted for, and all rights are rewarded. A beginning where all tears and pain are gone, and there will be no more darkness. This beginning has been in the works since before the beginning of anything.

This gives backbone to my optimism. It's not an empty optimism that sugar coats the harshness of life now, or that whistles Dixie in the dark, but a very real promise of our best life in the world to come. No matter the difficulties now, they will resolve.

Jonathan Edwards once described this life as such, "Our good things can never be taken away. Our bad things are being used for our good, and our best things are still to come."

When I look at things from this perspective, things aren't so bad. I have two jobs that I absolutely love that use my gifts and strengths. I get to work with great people, who need what I can share with them. I'm in a relationship that's far better than any of my previous attempts and it gets richer every day.

And no matter what happens, everything's going to be okay. If I lose it all tomorrow, the sun will still rise. And if it doesn't then that new beginning all ready started.

"I'm sure forever never meant, that we just glide on till the end without some tragedies.

So let's just put our troubles down, and listen for the quiet sound of everlasting peace

Can I wait, here with you?"

Jason Harwell--Alive in the Fall

The Camera is My Brush

2011-08-05T02:45:00.008-05:00

So it occurred to me I'm overdue to post a photoblog this year. I meant to before my last art show, but was unable. At anyrate, enjoy.

Locations include: Table Rock Lake, Niagara Falls, Cape County North Park, Fredricksburg National Cemetary and Battlefield and Parts Unknown

Table Rock Sunset

Shut-Ins

Duskstrokes

Table Rock Dawn

Midday

Crown of Daylight

Blinking Dusk

Niagara

Fallen LImb on the Falls

Of Sunset and Water

Peace

The Climber

Spring Falls

"...Maybe there's hope for this man."

2011-07-01T01:18:00.009-05:00

"Try to take on the weight of everyday freigtht

You'll find you're too weak to stand."

--Mark Heard, Rise from the Ruins

I can say with gratitude from the safety of my desk that I've longed to play a pivotal role in a historic battle. I would have loved to have walked next to MacArthur on the beaches of Lyete rather than walked back to my classroom, or manned a cannon on the HMS Victory rather than sit at my desk, or gone on a run at the Death Star rather than driven to another meeting.

But I've learned in living and reading history that greatness is not found in watershed moments, but in the everyday humdrum. I've found myself taking jobs no one wants, working with people who have been rejected by everyone; their own families in many cases. While on the surface it may be that I toil in obscure places and that my best work goes unseen, with little if anything to show for it, nothing can be further from the truth.

Francis Schaeffer once wrote that with God there are no little places, there are no little people. Teaching special needs homebound students in a four car classroom is every bit as significant as lecturing at Harvard. Playing baby to a roomful of special needs teenagers is every bit as important as playing Mozart in Carnegie Hall. I've learned there's greatness in the small places because that's where God has me. Much of what I've taught, I've needed to be reminded of myself.

I remember reading this beautiful story about an artist who's doing portraits at Disneyland when a boy sits down to have his portrait painted who is missing an eye. The artist is faced with the decision to either paint the child as he appears to him or to paint him another way. The artist decided to draw the boy with two perfect eyes; for his parents saw him not for his flaws, but through the eyes of love.

I was reminded by this episode that God sees us as we are, not for what we have. I tend to see myself for what I don't have, or I'll look back and see my grand trilogy of failures, or my mid-twenties crisis and feel insignificant and insecure. I have been imputed with significance by the very Creator of everything, and am held secure by the eternal King. We are His children, loved and created by Him. I've learned that burned bridges mean nothing to one who walks on water. God has all ready mended the widest rift that laid between us, and He can certainly carry us across the gaps we've made between us and those we've wronged in the past. I've learned scorched, salted earth means nothing to the great farmer who can bring any seed to purchase regardless of the soil conditions.

I had three careers collapse on me in a 2.5 year span. All of which fell apart in violent, traumatic ways, that I would not want anyone to experience. Yet I've found myself re-established in each, where if I had my way at the time I would've washed my hands of each. But each comeback has been better than the original in ways I could not have ever conceived. Each comeback has come by no effort of my own, nor have they come in sudden blinding flashes from heaven, but in quietly committing to the heroic humdrum, working through the every day epic, and being shown the splendour of the ordinary.

There are no little moments either. Each second has been crafted and set in motion, and is entirely unique. I did not have to hold Lahaye Saint against L'Enfente Terribles, when I'm held by the hand who crafted time. I did not have to March to the Sea when God invites me to walk beside Him every day.

I've learned there is glory in the ruins, and someday we will rise from them. Just like spring's verdancy blossoms after the barren blankness of winter, while we still have breath, we can still comeback.

"And the salmon's swimming again the stream

And the coyote's running in these hills

And the trees are returning to the mountainside,

If they could comeback, maybe there's hope for this man."

Brooks Williams, Seven Sisters.

"Dare I Believe..."

2011-04-24T23:33:00.006-05:00

“Since that day it has never been quite enough to say that’ God is in His Heaven and all is right with the world;’ since the rumour that God had left his heavens to set it right.”

G.K. Chesterton, The Everlasting Man

Upon a recent trip to Niagara, I am convinced no man can stand before the falls and believe that he is great and powerful. In much the same way as I reflect upon the Easter season, I am even more convinced no man can stand before God and not be overwhelmed.

God is working every moment of our lives in our past, present and future, and is using every atom throughout all of creation, to demonstrate the glory of His being so that we become more like His Son. It is God who created us so that our significance, our purpose, our security and identity would all be met by Him.

Ephesians 1:7-8 states, “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished upon us in all His wisdom and insight.” This perfectly summarizes what God has done for us. When God revealed His perfect qualities and sovereign attributes to the world at the Cross it broke the bond that held the world in its grasp and satisfied our every need.

Because of God’s limitless goodness, He knew through His perfect wisdom exactly what to do to amend our situation. That is He used His perfect freedom to exercise His absolute authority over sin and death. God being the ultimate in power, overcame sin’s power over us by paying our debt through His blood spilled on the Cross in the form of Christ. He did all this out of His love for us. God would have been perfectly right to leave us in our sinful condition because He is a God of perfect justice and holiness. And it’s not that God’s love and grace overruled His holiness and justice by redeeming us and adopting us. ON the contrary all of God’s perfect qualities, his unconditional love, His righteous justice, His all sufficient grace and His unapproachable holiness all intersected each other at the Cross with God’s sovereign attributes of power, wisdom, freedom and goodness to meet all our needs break our bondages to bring us from our depraved condition into His divine presence.

Chesterton described how the old world’s pagan beliefs could not contain the Cross. The symbol of paganism is a perfect circle formed by a serpent eating it’s own tail. When the cross was placed at the center of the pagan circle, it extended out in each direction, breaking paganism’s constricting grip of superstitions, falsehood, idolatry and ignorance. Imagine now instead of a pagan circle, a four-link chain that surrounds the world. God broke through the chains that enslave us by exercising His sovereign attributes and revealing His perfect qualities at the Cross. Just like the archaic pagan belief systems were overwhelmed by the cross, the bondages of the world are completely shattered by God’s sovereignty and perfection.

We have been given all that we need to be free and that is Christ Himself. When we realize that we are free to be loved and have the freedom to love. By forgiving us, He freed us from sin’s penalty and through His grace we need not be enslaved to sin any longer.

God allows us to exchange the shackles of this world that is the bondage of conformity, the curse of superficiality, the crushing pressure of self-indulgence and identity crisis for His goodness, His freedom, His power and His liberty. This will give us purpose for our life will not be our own but will be given to God for His glory and our benefit. When we do He will provide our security by meeting our every need and allow us to realize our significance because we are made in His image and are loved and treasured by Him. And God will transform our fallen identity to the perfect likeness of His Son.

"Morning rolled, that stone away, calls a man out from his grave. Lifts my soul upon your wing, Oh my Lord, Dare I believe."

Billy Cerveny.

Of Oak Trees

2011-03-28T15:18:00.009-05:00

Of Oak Trees

The Missouri White Oak Tree shows very little noticeable growth for the first twenty to thirty years of its life. What it in fact is doing is developing it's root system, sending them down deep into the Earth where the nutrients are found and where there is water. It also interlocks its roots with other trees. When it matures it becomes one of the strongest, tallest and most beautiful trees in the forest and provides a home for many kinds of life. It is also one of the most profitable trees and is used around the world for furniture, buildings, homes, even barrels to age French wines champagnes or Scotch whiskey as well several other uses. By spending so many years developing the root systems, these oak trees can survive times of drought and withstand the fiercest storms and harshest winters. There are oak trees that have lived for several hundred years because they have such deep roots.

In much the same way, I've spent the past few years developing my roots. While on the outside, (especially to people like my parents and others) I have not seemed to show much growth financially, career-wise, or whatever, this time has been very valuable for me as I've spent a great deal of this time learning about who God is, what sort of relationship He wants from me, experiencing His character and presence in my life.

This period has also given me time to work on my creative talents of music and writing and photography. I have also been able to cultivate great relationships with so many people and opportunities to serve, more than I can begin to name. I've seen too many people achieve success after success who never develop their roots so when hardship comes, they come toppling down. When the droughts will inevitably come, when the storms will most certainly strike, I will be able to stand because, not because of what I have done God has used time for my roots to grow deeper in Him.

When we are rooted we can escape the cycle of demoralization as we are being attended to by the great Gardener. And at some point we decide, by God’s grace with His leading to no longer believe the lies of the world of who we are and embrace the truth that we are His children.

When the adoption of Christ comes upon us, He gives us everything we need to live as He wants us to, and that is Himself. And as He shares more and more of who He is with us, His thoughts, actions, attitudes, and words will be His rather than the deadness and sin that is our flesh. Thinking about the oak trees, a tree can only grow as tall as it’s root systems are deep. Christ is to be the soil and bedrock giving us our foundation and sustenance that our roots are to dig into. The Spirit provides us with air and water that we need and as we grow toward the light of the Father.

And as oak trees also need the other trees in glade to share nutrients and lock roots together so the storms do not topple us, so too we need the other believers in the church. For Christ has called us all to be rooted in Him, the Spirit surrounds us all and together we are to grow together toward the Father. And our only response is humble gratitude for what He does through us. For we have been planted here not because of our own virtue and merit, for we have none, but for God that we may glorify Him and enjoy Him forever.

Adventurous Pancakes

2011-01-12T23:22:00.009-06:00

So for Rachel Huebel's birthday, I made her pancakes after we finished wrangling children at church. We've had a great deal of success in our pancake adventures of late: cinnamon and Clif Bar pancakes, walnut and toffee pancakes, Reese's peanut butter cup pancakes, and so far her personal favorite strawberry and chocolate chip pancakes.

I had the idea to take one of her other favorite foods and mix it into pancakes. Rachel loves cheesecake, so I took a recipe of healthy cheesecake that I found from Fuel the Fighter and folded that into the pancake batter.

Marketing genius Seth Godin warns business owners and marketers about making meatball sundaes. That is, a lot of time, we'll take two things that we really like and mix them together and end up with something that is completely inedible. This certainly had meatball sundae potential.

Pancake batter on the left, cheesecake on the right.

Two pancakes, wondering how they'd taste.

So they kinda turned out more like crepes than pancakes

Rachel, posing happily as requested

Me enjoying the results of the experiment.

As we ate the pancakes, each bite was an experience. Some started out tasting like uncooked pancake with a little cream cheese to only a few chews later tasting like peanut butter cup. While I certainly would not be able to defeat the Iron Chef with my cheesecake pancakes, It was the most fun I've had cooking in a long time. I haven't made a cheesecake from scratch in over 11 years. These didn't quite have the fluffiness of pancakes, nor the creaminess of cheesecake. But it was a fun experiment.

The cheesecake pancakes didn't quite turn out like I thought they would. The same can be said of my life.

I was hoping to take that "next step" with my life and start on masters, but instead have stepped into a limbo wide and broad, a limbo I thought I left four years ago. I went from making $20 an hour to $8 an hour, by no fault of my own. To say it's caused me to readjust my budget a bit is an understatement.

Rachel finished college a semester early and is entering into the same post-college/pre-career limbo that I have been drifting in and out of. She's weighing choices, completing applications, scheduling interviews, and all that crap that I hated and still hate to this day.

We spend far too much time wondering if we're making the right decisions, and end up too afraid to do anything. Tim Keller once said, if we knew the entire consequences of our actions, we'd just lie on the couch all day. Free will is the most crushing burden we could ever have. Keller went onto illustrate with his own life. If not for one door left three inches a jar in the Watergate Hotel, the circumstances would not have unfolded for him to eventually plant Redeemer, a church of 5000 in New York.

I considered a culinary career once. The circumstances did not unfold that would have allowed me to go that route. Based on tonight's culinary experiment, that's likely for the best. And honestly, I'm grateful that I live in a country with enough food that I am able to experiment and I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. And even though last year didn't turn out the way I hoped it would with me going back to school, that opened up an opportunity to deepen a long running friendship that is blossoming into something that will be truly beautiful.

With the freedom and opportunities that we have, experiment. Explore. Challenge yourself. Move. Dance. Get off the sidelines. Fight. Dare. Dream. Create.

Even though tonight's culinary adventure didn't turn out the way I expected, it was okay. They were still pretty tasty, really filling, and I got to celebrate another year with someone special. It was a learning experience and that alone was worth it.

The Lepers and Blindmen of our Day

2010-12-06T00:54:00.002-06:00

"The whole life of the Christian is to be a work of art. We are to speak beauty and truth into a lost and dying world."--Francis Schaeffer

One of the easiest and most threatening dangers to fall victim to is to isolate ourselves, and begin to think that our world is the world. We very often seal ourselves in our bubbles and deafen ourselves to what's going on out there.

Odds are, if you're reading this, you've got a pretty good life. I'll admit that I do. My biggest problem today was that my coffee got a little cold, and I was tired from framing an internal wall at the Francis Schaeffer Institute yesterday. Those were the worst things about today, so I really have no problems. Not to say life is perfect and all.

Odds are if you're reading this, you know where your next meal is coming from. Odds are if you're reading this, you don't have to worry about mosquitos infecting you with Malaria as you sleep. Odds are you haven't lost a family member to HIV/AIDS.

We have it good, while many others do not. For example:

33.4 Million people are Living with HIV/AIDS. That's more than the population of the states of Illinois and New York combined.

Every 15 Seconds someone dies of diseases due to HIV/AIDS

14 Million Children are orphaned due to HIV/AIDS. That's the equivalent of the states of Nebraska, Idaho, New Hampshire, Maine, Hawaii, Rhode Island, Montana, Delaware, Alaska, DC, Vermont, and North Dakota.

A virus doesn't care about who you voted for. Poverty doesn't follow party lines. Injustice doesn't discriminate according to skin colour.

Christ cleansed the lepers and gave sight to the blind while He was here. People who have suffered from AIDS, injustice, poverty are the blindmen and lepers of our day. To help and share the Gospel is to bring light into our fallen world.

But there's hope as you'll see at the end of this post. Some of the good news is that the number of HIV infections has dropped 17% since 2001. In the past 12 years over 200,000 lives have been saved by preventing the transmission of HIV from mothers to their children.

At church this past Wed, Dec. 1, our youth learned about some of the people who have been infected with HIV/AIDS and what their lives are like. They have far more to worry about other than their coffee being cold. Their lives are on the line, and we cannot back down now.

Close up of the display

Petition cards

Lives are on the Line display

Another close up

Our youth learning the stories of those whose lives are on the line.

Rachel, taking a break from working on the display

for more information, or to take action, please go to

http://worldvisionacts.org

http://one.org

Aside from learning about some of the lives that are on the line, we got to see how progress is being made. There is hope to live a vibrant life though infected, and HIV/AIDS is no longer the death sentence it was a few years ago. Still, now is the time to keep pushing through.

See lives that were on the line return from the dead by watching The Lazarus Effect Film from (RED) and HBO

Within my Gaze

2010-11-24T01:12:00.006-06:00

Simplicity

So it's occurred to me I haven't done a photo blog this year. So its time to amend that. All of these were taken with the mobile.

Beautiful Distortion

Sea and Sky

Advent of the Day

Loft

Edge of Light

Every Sunny Day

White Oak Creek

Apple Creek

Castor River

Wings

Monet by Roadside

As Ignites the Autumn

Keyhole Falls

Indian Creek

4AM...

2010-09-20T03:27:00.005-05:00

"There's a fire in my soul"--Ridgely

4Am and I'm sitting in Waffle House by the St. Louis airport waiting for a 7am flight. I was at this Waffle House the first day of Urbana09 just before my tribe came in.

Victor Hugo just said to me, "The only spectacle greater than the sky is the interior of the soul."

Its humbling to look at the sky, especially at night. The psalmist tells us, "The heavens declare the glory of the Lord."

I dream of flying to the Pleiades. I long to soar through the supernovae. To delve the mysteries of dark matter.

It is nothing short of epic.

It would be devastating and dehumanizing to look into the sky and feel dwarfed without the knowledge that it was created by a loving God. As grand as the stars are, as brilliant and magnificent, and as immeasurable and vast and countless as they are, God still loves us more.

It was you and I created in His image, not the Orion Nebula.

It was us He chose to love, redeem, and sanctify not Eta Carina.

It is our souls that He binds together with an even tighter bond than the gravity that binds the Pleiades.

What deeper connection than two souls bound together in their Creator.

For the soul is that kindle of the imperishable Secret Fire ignited within us and love is the warmth and light that connection makes. As the great Bill Mallonee sings:

"Love's the little bit of God there for all to know.

Love's the everlasting arms, that never do let go."

It was in love that God promised us to reign with Him likes the stars above, and provided the means for us to do so, and that is by His own body and blood. His very own Son.

"To write the poem of the human consciousness," continues Hugo, "of one only man, even the most insignificant of men, would be to swallow up all epics in a superior and definitive epic."

15 Albums

2010-09-11T11:44:00.007-05:00

Fifteen albums in fifteen minutes. My music is more obscure therefore its cooler than yours, therefore I'm cooler than you. Not really. Yes. Really.

1. The Awakening Compilation Vol. 1 by Various

2.Ohio by Over the Rhine

3. AM Radio by Billy Cerveny

4. Alive in the Fall by Jason Harwell

5. The High Cost of Living by Mike Schmid

6. October Sky by Jon Black

7. Nashville to Jesus by Kevin Lawson

8. Summershine by Bill Mallonee and Vigilantes of Love

9. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco

10. All that you Can't Leave Behind by U2

11. The Bends by Radiohead

12. Truth of the World: Welcome to the Show by Evermore

13. Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack by Yoko Kanno

14. Chrono Trigger Sountrack by Yasunori Mitsuda

15. Seiken Densetsu Soundtrack by Kenji Ito

But enough about me, you talk about me now. Not really, I'd like to know yours. Your turn. Now....... GO!

Consumption vs. Cultivation

2010-08-21T00:33:00.006-05:00

“My Love says to stay when I would run, give away when I have none, my Love.” --Kevin Lawson

If anyone is in need of something, give. If you are need of encouragement, encourage someone else. If you need comfort, comfort someone in need. If do not feel appreciated, sincerely tell someone you appreciate them. Forgiveness? Then forgive someone who has wronged you.

Yet how does one give when one has nothing? We do not give from our own resources, for our wells are always dry and corrupt. The water by which we can assuage our deepest thirsts come not from us, but from above. From an ever-flowing stream of living water that will never run dry. "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." We have been given water by a great shepherd who we shall not want under His care, whose grace is sufficient, who will supply all our needs according to His glorious riches.

It is not by our ability that we are able to help others, because we have no ability to help others. It is God, who shares Himself with us abundantly and lavishes us with His perfect character, His holy presence, His sovereign providence. For by giving to others, sharing with others, when we are lacking, we experience love. As Tolstoy wrote, “Where there is love, God is there also.”

A couple years ago I found myself involved with some church's activities. The kid who ran the activity I was involved with had gone on a streak of isolation and self-destruction, the likes of which that even on the best of my worst times, I would never be able to equal. He had become a cardboard shipwreck of a person, who complained incessantly about the pettiest, most insignificant of matters, and deluded himself into believe that others were to blame for his mess. I sat with him to try and figure out why.

He bemoaned to me, “All I've ever wanted is to have help. All I've ever wanted is support. I just want to be loved and appreciated.”

He didn't ask for anything irrational, for these are the deepest longings of human nature. I asked in response, “What have you done to support and help others? What have you done to show love or appreciation to others, especially those under you?” He could not answer for he knew he had done nothing.

There is a direct correlation between how well we feel about ourselves, and how well we treat others. This kid was the sort of person who would consume others for what they could do for him, and never reciprocated. He would even turn on them once he had consumed everything. When we met he had nothing left, and sat alone in a dark room, upon a soiled chair, surrounded by derelict reminders of his crumbling ego like a shrine left to ruin.

When we consume, we have nothing left. When we cultivate we cause others to grow for everyone's benefit. We cultivate by sowing into, serving in love, and giving and sharing with others. The results will be a multiplying, over abounding harvest that will never perish or fade away. There is no denying that consumption is much easier. It is with great effort, work, difficulty, sweat, that a farmer or gardener is able to cultivate the land, bring seed to purchase, and reap a harvest. One must endure stones and thorns, bites and stings, summer's swelter and winter's frost to bring harvest. And you will get your hands dirty. There's an old saying in wine making, “Back of this wine is the vinter and all his years of skill. Back of it all are the vines, the sun, the rain, and the Master and His will.” That is we may plant and water, but it is “God who causes growth.” And the result will be a vibrant harvest full of rich colours, and nourishment for everyone to enjoy.

There will be disappointment. We will experience frustration. We will fail. We will encounter others with whom we will fall out. We will take a beating. There is no way to sugar coat this reality. But the things that cause us to groan in this life, will prepare us for glory in the next.

To End All Wars...

2010-05-28T12:06:00.008-05:00

So I started an interesting discussion on Senator McCaskill's Facebook wall.

ONE Campaign brought to my attention that this past Tuesday, the Kerry-Lugar bill was up for signing. This bill would provide "non military aid granted to Pakistan by the U.S in view of its precarious economic condition due to its indulgence in the war on terror as a front line allied state."

Senator McCaskill signed a letter to the President, so ONE wanted to make sure her constituents held her accountable and signed the bill.

I wrote this on her Facebook wall, as well as her twitter page. This is the discussion that followed. The names that are not mine have been changed, but I did add some emphasis.

Aaron:
Sen. McCaskill, please sign the Kerry-Luger bill to support poverty relief in developing nations. Please make good on the letter you signed to the President supporting these matters. Thank you!

Pete: America has no more money to support other nations. We are broke. China is rich, let China help developing nations.
Better yet, let developing nations help themselves like America once did. Let them carry their own weight.

Jan: I agree.
Aaron: Poverty, hunger, oppression, injustice, slavery, etc. are not right or left issues, they are human issues, and all of humanity suffers due to these preventable tragedies.
According to ONE 50,000 people, that's one every three seconds, die due to preventable diseases and extreme poverty.

Nearly 11,500 people die every day from HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. Nearly two-thirds of these people are living in sub-Saharan Africa.

72 million children are out of school around the world, a figure equivalent to the entire primary school-aged population in Europe and North America

8.8 Million children under the age of five die each year from preventable diseases and treatable causes.

550,000 mothers die in childbirth each year. 80% of these deaths can be prevented if women had access to basic maternal and health services.

2.5 Billion people around the world do not have access to adequate sanitation.

27 Million are enslaved this includes child soldiers, forced prostitutes, and other victims of human trafficking.
Jan: And middle-class Americans are supposed to fix all this? We are the most charitable nation in the world, but we are now broke. We have enough problems here that need to be addressed. Americans will be included in these statistics if we don't change course.
Pete: hat is very unfortunate, except for the HIV/AIDS epidemic which is 100% preventable.
Over 400,000 Americans die each year due to smoking related causes. Why does the government not do something about that? Oh, the tax money is more important than people's lives and obama is stinking up our White House with his own smoking.

I didn't say they were right or left issues.

The United States of America is broke, and the countries and the people suffering these misfortunes sit back and wait for someone else to come to help them and do little or nothing to help themselves.

Many of the people suffering these misfortunes would take money we do not have and kill us in a heartbeat given the chance. Many of them just hate us, except for our money which we have none of anymore. We need to take care of our fellow Americans who cannot, not those who will not, take care of themselves.

We cannot save the world.

Aaron: We saved the world 3 times last century from Imperialism, Fascism, and Communism. The evil empires of our day are injustice, poverty, oppression, ignorance etc. We will win not by the force of arms but through education, advocacy, and compassion.

The more good we do now, the more secure we will be in the future.

The honorable Senator Bond said, "the U.S. needs to help other nations build stronger governments because these deeds will help avoid conflict and acts of terrorism. If we put more sandals and sneakers on the ground, I think we can avoid having to put more combat boots on the ground in the future,"
Pete: Those wearing sandals and sneakers burn our flag and want to kill us. Good luck with that.
Aaron: Nations don't go to war with other nations who have fed their children and served their people.
Again, Senator Bond said, "Smart power, will protect the U.S. and its allies and prevent harm. But for sustainable long term success we have to use economic development, educational exchange, business interchanges, investment and trade and diplomatic strategies in areas that are neutral or sometimes hostile toward the U.S.

Helping other countries become more stable makes America a safer place and building nations up and helping them feed their citizens will in turn help America. There is the need for humanitarian assistance."

I welcome your thoughts.

Life at Warp Five

2010-05-25T22:32:00.016-05:00

It's been a year since I started this blog, and I feel I have one of the more interesting blogs, but I'm very biased. This time last year, I wrote about the little ones turning three and 1/2 a year respectively, and one of my guys getting married.

Now, one year later, the little ones have turned 4 and 1.5 respectively. It's nothing short of providential that they are in the family.

And one of my other guys got married.

I remember last year saying to the guys, "It doesn't feel like one of us just got married." This time, we were all seasoned veterans at this whole wedding thing and it was as if we went right from Nick's wedding to Mark's wedding the next weekend, rather than the next year.

I have to wonder which one of us is next.

I remember saying to Mark, this year's groom, "It will be interesting to see

where we all are this time a year from now."

Well, here we are. Only this time it seems it got here faster than it did last year. I think one of the few constants in life is the pace at which it moves us along. I've heard it gets faster as you grow older.

Perhaps we're all experiencing Hubble's Law, that is: "v = H₀D."

Meaning, the universe is expanding, and the further out we go, the faster it is moving.

So the galaxies shown here are moving away from us now faster than they were when

this picture was taken.

So I'm moving faster now that I was this time last year. And as I look back at what

I've learned this past year, I can see that. Tom Jackson, Dave Ramsey and myself, all

have different ways of saying the same thing. Tom Jackson says, "Don't wait for the

opportunity to prepare. As you prepare, you will create your opportunities." Dave Ramsey

says, "Live like no one else so later, you can live like no one else." And I often tell my

students to take care of what they need to care of what they need to when they need to

so when the time comes, they can do what they are free to want to do.

Then there are the things I'm unwilling to admit to myself, though I know they're true.

I've also learned I have unique perspective on almost everything. I can make a street

light look like the sun.

Aside from this showing in my photography, music, and writing, it's shown up in

my work. Almost everyone I work with, has been given up on by their school system,

family, or whoever, and have been told they're insignificant. I've learnedI can make them

realize they're capable of great things. A little bit of time spent, and care given will do that.

Funny thing how something small can alter our perspectives. When what we see gets

interrupted and becomes an imperfect reflection, when we get close we can see the beauty

in the distortion. We can see the traces of what is to be. A little spur of wind blown across

the surface of still waters creates a beautiful impression.

A small rock sends ripples that can be seen across the entire body of water.

And here I am learning to see past the imperfections, the disturbances, the distortions, knowing there is beauty.

Crisis and Opportunity

2010-04-21T11:23:00.007-05:00

I've come to learn over the past few years that our greatest opportunities arise from crisis. Over the years I've perfected the fine art of engineering opportunities, that is to say, I've created many crises for myself. As I've looked past some recently engineered opportunities; beit places I wanted to go, jobs I wanted to work, people I wanted to get closer to, etc., I've found I don't often get what I ask for, and it's been for the best.

The ice storms that have sacked us the past few winters have caused numerous crises in my area, however, I've found them to be opportunities to shoot some of the most beautiful pictures I've taken.

When the group home I had been teaching at for three academic years closed due to the professional incompetence and unethical behavior, an opportunity arose for me to take on a much larger job where I would be working with more youth who are also in need, and were just like my former students.

While I certainly don't believe I'm in state of crisis at this moment, opportunities have opened up to me that would not have had my original "Plan A" gone through. I get an opportunity to continue doing more good for my clients and students. One of my guys is expecting to be a dad later this year. I told him he has a great opportunity to really leave a legacy for his family if he plans things out and works hard. I'll be there to help him.

Just recently I had the opportunity to attend a meeting with the One Campaign. This was the most excited I've been for anything since Urbana.

One is a campaign and advocacy organization supported by more than 2 million people committed to the fight against extreme poverty and preventable disease.

Thanks in part to the efforts of One as well as effective leadership, smart use of power, and aid, deaths from malaria have been cut in half. From 2002 to 2007, the number of people receiving life saving AIDS treatment has grown from 50,000 to 3 million.

Still, there's work to be done.

According to ONE 50,000 people, that's one every three seconds, die due to preventable diseases and extreme poverty.

1.5 billion live on less than $1.25 a day.

Nearly 11,500 people die every day from HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria. Nearly two-thirds of these people are living in sub-Saharan Africa.

72 million children are out of school around the world, a figure equivalent to the entire primary school-aged population in Europe and North America

8.8 Million children under the age of five die each year from preventable diseases and treatable causes.

550,000 mothers die in childbirth each year. 80% of these deaths can be prevented if women had access to basic maternal and health services.

2.5 Billion people around the world do not have access to adequate sanitation.

27 Million are enslaved this includes child soldiers, forced prostitutes, and other victims of human trafficking.

I could go on, but the point is this: The crises are there and they can be taken care of. The opportunities are there.

How does this affect us? Senator Bond talked about the use of Smart Power when he met with the One chapter at Webster University.

According to Senator Bond, the more sandals there are on the ground now, the less boots will be on the ground in the future. Nations don't go to war with other nations that have fed their children, built their communities, provided care.

As I said in my last entry; AIDS, slavery, hunger, poverty, injustice, etc. are not right or left issues, they are human issues. We all suffer for it. Imagine the amount of human potential we are wasting. The next great novelist, the ones who will answer what do to about the environment, the next great inventor, are out there. When help others we also help ourselves.

For more information

http://one.org http://humanwrong.org

http://worldvisionacts.org http://ijm.org

Dr. Bryan Chapell said on a Living Christ 360 podcast "the Grace of God will be our dying breath and we will fight for it but we will fight with deeds of love and mercy"

Summit for Someone Benefit Art Show

2010-04-04T00:36:00.009-05:00

A role model does not get more positive than this.

I hope Dr. Crowe doesn't see what we're doing in his gallery.

So it turns out that March has been one of the busiest months for me, more so than usual. Aside from work I have: played three gigs, helped organize and promote a benefit for Haiti, took an impromptu trip out to Wine Country and the Bay Area to surprise my sister, and organize and promote the Summit for Someone Benefit Art Show.

A couple friends of mine, Kyle Gerecke and Jordan Duncan will be climbing a couple mountains in Mexico for Summit for Someone, an organization that gets at risk youth out of the city and into the wilderness around positive role models.

Our show featured my photography as taken by my camera phone, photos from Kyle's travels, and Josh Reeves' New Kind of Art.

This art show served as a fundraiser for Kyle and Jordan, as well as mine and Kyle's debut as an artists. We are The New Generation of Artists. This is our declaration.

We got a lot of love from the good folks at the Southeast Missourian, who ran this awesome article on us http://www.semissourian.com/story/1623018.html

"We believe in the power of art to inspire hope," Picar said.
He said a photograph can be more than just a pretty picture. It can also be a way to address human issues like slavery, AIDS and hunger.
"We can use our talents to bring about changes," Picar said. "I want people who encounter me, my photography and my music to see a bit of themselves, but I want them to see beyond that, to something greater."

Special thanks to:

Dr. David Crowe for the gracious use of his gallery

Sherri Gerecke at the ImageMaker for cheap posters and printing out our photos,

Chris Harris and Darren Burgfeld at the Southeast Missourian for the great coverage

Brittney Reid for supplying bakies and water,

Leslie Hazelwood at Major Brands Distrubiting for donating wine,

The folks at Cape Arts Council and Old Town Cape for some love.

And everyone who showed up.

The showcase wall. L to R: Josh Reeves, Myself, Kyle, Myself, then Josh

Training, art, it's all the same to us

How can you not support these guys?

This is just some of the art.

We are the New Generation of Artists. We believe we can use our talents to help others discover theirs.

Our next event is the Second Annual Epic Marathon of Stairs. On May 1 at the Common Pleas Courthouse we'll be climbing all day until we match the height of Mt. Everest. We are both fired up and dreading this event. For more details, please read our account from the First Annual Epic Marathon of Stairs.

Hope to see you there. We'll be starting climbing at 3AM. Not even Rocky is this dedicated!

Urbana09 Final Thoughts: Forgotten Legacy

2010-01-10T00:53:00.012-06:00

"Everything turns to dust. Legacy lives forever."

Jens Pulver

Some folks think 9 degrees is too cold to go for a morning run. I laugh at such thoughts.

The frigid air circling in my pipes awakened my lungs like water in the face. The snow scrunched under my feet, making the pounding in my knees and ankles much easier. The sun shone upon the snow between the shadows of naked trees with a blinding magnesium brightness.

As I approached the steepest, longest hill, I laughed to myself and thought; "It'll take more than this to keep me from running."

It's been a week since Urbana09 ended and I've found myself wrestling with the thoughts I had before and the thoughts I had after.

Before Urbana09 I found myself watching some interviews with the first UFC LIghtweight Champion Jens Pulver. I heard him talk about what drives him, what sort of legacy he will leave, as well as how he fights daily with anxiety and depression. This man has overcome a childhood that he describes as a "daily hell." At one point his alcoholic father lined him and his brothers up and pointed a loaded shotgun in his face before telling him, "You're not worth the shells."

Since then he has become a legend and pioneer in the sport of Mixed Martial Arts. Now as he comes to the end of his fighting career, he has opened up his own gym in his home town that he also wants to use as center for troubled youth and battered women.

Mr. Pulver is driven. I remember watching his five round war with Urijah Faber for the Featherweight Championship that had me on my feet all five rounds. That hooked my interest back in the sport, which was a major catalyst in me getting off my ass and working out again. Pulver says in an interview, "It's all about legacy," and asks what kind of world will we leave our kids?

Urijah Faber (R) vs. Jens Pulver (L)

I came to realize a little over three years ago that I have a legacy, and this is when I was mired in my mid-twenties crisis. And it's not that I ever became a youth pastor, teacher, or young life staffer with the intention of building a legacy, but is a testament as to who God is and His faithfulness. And I thought if I never accomplish anything else I will be content.

I am as driven and determined now as I ever have been. I've accomplished more this year than I thought I could. It's not due to my talent, drive, work ethic, intensity, or any of those, it's because God is at work inspiring both the will and the deed according to His glorious purpose.

I wasn't as big a fan of Mr. Pulver until I learned his story. Now I'll watch his fights, highlights, and interviews before I workout.

Colin Harbinson told us the more a story moves us, the more we want to live in it, and the more it lives in us.

The story; and by story I mean the idea of metanarrative, that is the grand epic narrative that is greater than us and we live by, is that "The Word has become flesh and dwelt among us. We have seen His glory, full of grace and truth"

"the Light has entered the world but the darkness did not overcome it"

It's a humbling thought that God became a man. That what is invisible became visible. What is intangible, became tangible. What is divine became human, lived, breathed, drank, ate, and defecated so that we can become one. Ramez Atallah calls this the means, message, and the model by which we are to live.

My mentor, Will Wyatt loves to tell us that God invites us to walk beside Him. All that God the

Father has promised Christ, He'll share with us; God wants to share His very existence with us.

As we do, He'll bring people beside us who we will point back to Him. As we do we will learn to trust

God with more sooner, and run to His altar all the faster.

I'm convinced when we bow to Christ as Lord in all things, He incarnates Himself in us, everything

that happens to us will be for His glory and for our benefit. For it is only by the grace of God are we

able to do anything for the glory of God.

This is our hope. Not is Washington DC. Not in Wall Street but in the God who put on skin, entered

our reality, moved into the neighborhood so that we can know us and He can live in us.

Patrick Fung told us to live to be forgotten so that Christ can be made visible. When we live to

make Christ known, He will raise us up as He sees fit. Our ultimate reward is not to have pages written

about us in history books so we have the applause of men, but in the Lamb's Book of Life where God tells us

"Well done!" For there are none anonymous to God.

I can think of no greater legacy than to live under the sovereignty of God and let Him raise me up in His own way.

Urbana09 Report Day 5: New Year

2010-01-02T00:14:00.019-06:00

It's not every new year you get to celebrate it with 17,000 of your closest friends. It's cause for dancing. More on that later.

Unlike the prior posts, I let this one filter and process in me. Needless to say, I'm exhausted as

I've been operating on less sleep than usual. Thankfully the God who is our cause to rejoice is also

our comfort and rest.

I was excited yet sad for Urbana09 to be coming to its finale. This has been an incredible week of learning, re-learning, affirming, encouraging, challenging, and all the above and more. I love my Urbana Tribe and while I am sad to be parting from them for the time being, I am excited to learn what God will do through us until we graduate.

After sharing in some Imo's Pizza with some non-St.Louisians, (I had a conversation with a girl asking what folks from St.L called themselves. I answered 'Cardinals Fans.), and an impromptu hymn sing at a hotel lobby piano, I sat in the Arts and Mission session.

I've noticed we tend to relegate arts, imagination, creativity, to the periphery of our Faith, when the very first act God did was a grand work of art called the Cosmos. The lady who ran the seminar, Ms. Harris, was born in Alaska and had classical music training, and was working in the mission field in Siberia and wondered why her love of arts and mission were separate. Until she ended up using those to help the Yukut people of northern Siberia to worship in their own native Heart language.

I've wondered myself how my eclectic personality, chimerical range of interests, swiss army knife skills set, and randomness but God will not give me an interest or ability that He will not ultimately use to bring Glory to HImself. God is the great bridge builder. What we have separated and compartmentalize, He will fuse together in Him and none can sunder.

I attended a business seminary next about the integration of faith and work. God gave Adam a job before He gave him anything else. Work when done under the Lordship of Christ, is worship. We must work with intentionality and integrity.

THe main evening session was the exclamation point to the week. Alec Hill reminded us we can't wait. Sharing the Good News is the most important thing we can do for another. God will use seemingly random encounters, and the times when we don't expect anything, to be used in powerful ways that we cannot even imagine. Michael Oh, who is Korean, living as a missionary in Japan, reminded us Christ is the heart of reconciliation for all peoples who have ever wronged another.

Brenda Salter McNeil gave one of the most powerful messages I've ever heard. She spoke from John 4, the woman at the well. (I remember using that text a long time ago in young life where I used Tetris as my primary illustration.) I recommend watching the whole thing here http://www.urbana09.org/program.webcast.cfm

From the moment she came out on stage singing, "River of Life" until the end when she had us on our feet,

The Spirit was there. I can't do her message justice here but, in summary, God has moved into the neighborhood because things aren't right. Because we need Him to. As He has gone into our neighborhood, we are to go to others' and "We must go out in the power of God." she told us. Let the love and character of God flood out of us to everyone.

Too often I don't and I sit on what God has given me like a dragon hoarding treasure, and after everything, I thought "why?" I thought about all the things I wrestle with. I thought about my fears be they rational or irrational, my insecurities, my inadequacies, the personal gravity I battle against to get off my rear and do what I need to. I also thought about my strengths; everything from my left step through hook, to my songs, my writings, my photos, my teaching, etc. I wondered if the sum of my abilities can overcome the totality of my fears. I don't know.

Ultimately, it doesn't come down to whether or not I can harness my abilities to overcome my fears, but will I present them all to God and let Him to with them what He wants. Nothing God gives us is a waste. Nothing we do in him is useless.

After Brenda Salter McNeil's message we shared communion. I had to leave Urbana06 before communion to be at a youth lock-in. There's nothing greater than sitting at the Table with 17,000 brothers and sisters gathered in the presence of the Lord, especially in a time of celebration.

The Redeemed of the Lord will Say So as the new year turns

This was by far the greatest New Year I've ever celebrated. After communion there was an electrifying

Drama/Dance/Rap/Music/Rhythm/I don't know what else to call it that was one of the most creative performances

I've ever seen. It started with tap dancing and narration based on John 1, and told the story of creation,

incarnation, redemption, and even featured Indians doing their native dances in full dress. The worship

team led us in a few more songs until in the middle of "Say So" when we counted down, and welcomed in

The New Year. And the Children of the Living God, danced with new life in their feet.

As I think back at everything that's happened to me since the last Urbana, it's been quite a journey.

I remember Ajith Fernando telling us God is bringing about a new humanity, where every tribe, nation, tounge

will gather before the throne and worship. He is using us to bring about that new humanity. That was the beginning

of my escape from the limbo of my mid-twenties crisis. That same year, I spent some time at L'abri where

I confronted my cynicism, and briefly found Shelter. Later that summer, I returned home to Discipleship Focus

where God showed me the years prior were not me fouling up everything I did, but His gift to me

to prepare me for where He'll take me.

I've made other professional, personal, milestones since then such as working two great jobs as a

special education teacher and youth advocate, both of which were gifts from Him. I finished the album.

I've seen the boys in my youth group grow into outstanding adults, all of whom are still walking with the Lord.

As I left this Urbana, I prayed for myself what I've often asked others to pray. I prayed for more than the emotional high

or spiritual rush that usually accompanies such experiences. I've prayed for a deeper understanding

of who God is, who I am and a greater realization of how desperately dependent I must be on Him

for All Things.

If Christ can remove the stone that barred the grave, He can break the stone of my heart. He can

break the bonds of the oppressed. He can open the paths He wants me to walk.

Let us go together.

Urbana09 Report Day 4: Adventures on a Day Off

2009-12-31T00:21:00.008-06:00

Prelude:

This morning began with more snow. I started talking with the man who drove the hotel shuttle driver. He loves the days it snows. He'll watch out for everyone who comes out of the hotel and asks if he can carry their luggage, or sweep the snow of their cars, or start their cars for them.

"I use every opportunity to make a good impression in the folks that come through here. It's more than just a tip now, if I do good they're going to tell their friends and family to stay here. I don't know why more of us who work here don't. I don't know why they don't see the big picture. "

Morning session

Part I: Invading Light

We were given the day off so to speak. That is the participants did not have any seminars to attend but were encouraged to spend the day thinking and processing and praying over the information overload that was thrown at us over the past few days.

It was a much needed change of pace.

In the morning Mr. Yorke Moore spoke about how there is an ebb and flow of times of darkness and times when God's invading light enters our lives. When we are first brought into our relationship with God, he brings us into a love relationship with Him, then to obedience.

We were also told that only Christ can stand at the Centerpoint of History. Not any other manmade or demonically inspired belief can stand at History, only Christ.

Part II: Adventures in Global Connexions.

I was walking through Global Connexions exhibit looking for free swag as well as some information to take home to some friends who couldn't be here. As I went toward the Center of Christian Thought, I was randomly asked by one of the exhibiters, "We'ren't you on young life staff at Windy Gap a few years ago?"

As soon as he asked, it clicked. His name was Matt and I was on staff in the kitchen when he was a volunteer. Matt was still a very young Christian at that point, for less than a semester if I remember correctly and he gave up his month of his summer for no pay to help feed a campfull of hungry teenagers.

We caught up, he told me he's helping with some college ministries as well as in seminary.

It's encouraging to see the fruits of your labors.

I kept wandering through the area and came across a ministry called "Reaching Indians Ministries International" That is folks from India, not First Nation American Indians. I really at first was only interested in the swag on the table, but when I told Ms. Astrid my name, she told me, "You are a man with a powerful voice."

This floored me, as I had just met her, unless she happened to have sat around me during any of the sessions and heard me sing. I had to ask, "How did you know?"

"It's in your name. Aaron was Moses' speaker."

We got to talking and I told her about my careers in special education and youth advocacy as well as interests in music and writing, and she prayed for me. I was incredibly grateful and amazed at how God uses these seemingly random encounters to reveal himself to us. As I was about to resume my wandering she told me,

"Get ready. Life's about to become a roller coaster."

I stopped again and told her, "I used to work on one of those."

"That was the physical one. The rest of your life will be one too very soon, so get ready."

I left the exhibition area with more fire in my steps than I had before.

Part III: The Arts Lounge

I'm going to summarize what Sunder Krishnan said in the main session, or what I got out of it, and that is to yield to God's sovereignty, and let Him use His creativity in us. In looking back at the Arts Lounge these pictures speak enough.

Part V: Broken Bread

Dinner was a unique experience as we were given a simple dinner of flatbread, beans, and about 2oz of water. We were asked to pray, as most of the world only gets to eat that, many even less. It makes one appreciate how good we have it, and how grateful we should be. We did this to eat and stand in solidarity with those who are suffering and impoverished.

No one at the table uttered a single complaint

Urbana09 Report Day 3: Reinforcement, Affirmation, and Challenge

2009-12-30T00:39:00.007-06:00

As any good teacher will tell you, one thing we must do to ensure our students receive the knowledge they need is through reinforcement, and re-teaching. We can never reinforce our students enough, for ignorance is an enemy that does not retreat. That was yesterday. God was reteaching me of the importance of the Arts, and the need to bring justice to the oppressed. The two are not mutually exclusive of each other. God, who is sovereign over all will reconcile, that is bring into Harmony, all things to Himself.

As I teach and reteach, I am always sure to affirm my students when they do demonstrate understanding. That is to tell them, "Great work, now keep working."

Such was today.

Today former denomination took me to lunch, (as well as a several other students). Even though my late church died over five years ago, I still feel a strong bond with them, and it was good to connect with that body again.

Over lunch I had great conversation with another attendee who had some mutual friends and was pursuing the degree I want at the school I would like to attend.

It was encouraging.

I attended a "Serving God by Teaching in the Public Schools" seminar. I wasn't aware of it at first until it was pointed out to me last night. I thought, "That's what I should do, because that's what I'm doing!" As you can see it was a packed house, sitting room only. Somehow a few hundred managed to pack in there. Dr. Forrest Turpen of Christian Educators Association International described the public schools as being a closed country. And many people become Christians between ages of 4-14.

I can't remember the last thing I saw that was as encouraging as seeing that room full of teachers and soon to be teachers, who want to teach and make a difference.

Dr. Bill Ziegler also highlighted the laws about expression of religion in the public schools by students and teachers. There's so much bullshit and ignorance of the laws of what we can and can't do, it's revolting.

I've been teaching special education for the past three years, working with students who can't function in the normal classroom, and have been a youth advocate mentoring youth in foster care for the past year. I love both jobs, and though I get an extremely positive response when I tell people what I do, that's not the reason I do it.

I do it because it needs to be done.

I do it because I love it.

Sitting in on that session, I couldn't help but get the thinking to myself over and over, "Keep doing what you're doing."

Teachers, some present and some future who are

considering the public school as their mission field

There were several HUNDRED in that room.

As students begin to show mastery of what they have learned a good teacher will challenge them to expand their view, to think deeper, longer, at a problem with the skills they have obtained.

Afterward, I attended the "Musicians Living Fully in Christ" track, which members of the worship team discussed what it was like to be a musician. One of the most important points they made at the beginning was to be professional, and show up on time.

They also said to keep working at your music, build relationships, take care of your health, and most importantly, enjoy what you do.

I've made some great strides musically over the past year from releasing an album, leading some incredible worship times, ROCKING a showcase in front of my influences. And I know I still have a long way to go. It's going to be a challenge.

As I left, I the thought kept running around, "Keep going where you're going."

The main session speakers, Shane Claiborne and Oscar Miriu reinforced what we learned before,

encouraged us to keep doing the good we are and challenged us to take the church to the next level.

and encouraging at the same time, showing us new perspectives. 24,000 lives are lost a day to poverty

and hardship. Good intentions must be accompanied by the humility to keep our mouthes shut long enough to

hear what others need to tell us so we will see them as people, not as numbers in our programs.

As I discussed the day with the my newly adopted family group, I came to realize God who is the great teacher,

and our advocate has been reinforcing what I learned in the years since Urbana06, encouraged me to keep

striving in my jobs, and keep going in my pursuit of music, writing, art, education, missions, and everything else He's given

me an interest/passion in.

"Keep doing what you're doing.

Keep going where you're going.

Just as I've been with you so far,

So I will continue to be with you."

Urbana09 Report Day 2-What I Learned Again

2009-12-28T22:59:00.004-06:00

Taken by World Vision's Act:S http://worldvisionacts.org

I can't count how many times God has had to lay the Holy Smackdown on me with His 2X4 of instruction.

Luckily He hasn't had to lately. There have been times I've curled into a fetal position and whimpered when He's struck me with a conviction that cuts through my flesh and bone down to my soul and spirit.

I remember when I returned to Discipleship Focus after 6 years, what God taught me there the first time around became more true and more real; deeper and richer than it had been because I had seen in my life what God had taught me come to fruition.

Such is the the case with Urbana09. Again, if you're unfamiliar with Urbana, please go to http://urbana09.org and http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23Urbana09

My tribe on their way home after a GREAT day

Aside from singing praise and worship in Swahili, Arabic, and Spanish, I was reminded of how great the need is to carry the Gospel where He sends us.

I was reminded in the Arts in the Christian Story seminar by Dr. Colin Harbinson, that God is using the arts to bring reconciliation and restoration and healing to all peoples of all nations and tribes and tongues.

I was reminded how God Himself is the Master Artist and as I write, as I compose, as I shoot photos, as I work, and teach, and exercise, and live, all that is a work of art and an act of worship when I do it with my heart bowed to God, and He will use that to bring glory to Himself.

The evening session.

I was reminded in a conversation between Greg Jao and Partick Feng that "Joy and suffering are

often together but joy and bitterness never are." My fists bare the scars that are testament to this.

I was reminded by Ruth Padillia DeBorst that "God is with the widows and orphans and foreigners and refugees.

I encounter this in my jobs on a daily basis as well as at my church where the Hispanic community has become

the lifeblood of an otherwise ailing church.

She also reminded us Love doesn't reach from afar but always requires an incarnation, and we are often

wearing blinders of success and security and stability that prevent us from seeing others as God does.

I was reminded in one of the videos there are 80,000 people trafficked per year.

Over 50 countries have "armies" that use child soldiers.

On average 17,500 people are trafficked into the US

In the human trafficking industry $32 Billion dollars are exchanged per year.

York Moore reiterated Gary Haugen's statistics from almost ten years ago when 20,000 people

were the number killed regularly during the most dire of Rwandan ethnic cleansing. 20,000 people

in India were being forced to work as slaves, and that is just a fraction of the number.

2,000 children are sold into slavery regularly.

27 million people are enslaved today.

I was reminded God is still God. God is sovereign. He is both eternal and personal and moves in nations

and in nature and engages the person's mind and heart.

The River of Humanity

So what do we do?

Here are some places to start.

http://worldvisionacts.org

http://humanwrong.org

http://ijm.org

http://notforsalecampagin.org

http://urbana09.org

"The time is here, the day is now

My place is here, I fight with you!"

Les Miserables

Urbana09 Report Days 0-1

2009-12-28T00:05:00.005-06:00

It hasn't felt like three years since the last Urbana Student Missions Conference. A lot has happened to me since then. It's happened so fast I haven't had time to catch my breath.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about go to http://urbana09.org or follow us on twitter http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23Urbana09

There are over 17,000 of us here.

Yesterday was a perfect day. I spent Christmas at my sister's and her kids are getting big. The day before Urbana started, I headed for the America's Center to help set up the IV Press bookstore. This mainly entailed throwing boxes packed with books off of a pallet onto a dolley then to a table in order of the big numbers written on it. Sounds exciting, I know it does. I found myself working with much higher spirits than I have at my own jobs for a long time.

Afterward we went through formalities then I met up with Joe for a walk through the city garden at night, then we hit the Schafly taproom. After a long day of preparation, beer, burgers, and friends was the perfect ending.

I've been assigned as a hotel liaison which I basically hang around and answer questions the Urbana participants may have as well as make sure they eat and get on their bus, and get back.

I've found myself in the nicest room I've ever stayed in at the Renaissance airport hotel, though I haven't been in it much to enjoy it.

I woke up to see the fallen snow cover the city.

I spent today hanging out in the lobby welcoming people who came in and telling them where to go, what to do, how to get there. I got little opportunities to serve people who though I wasn't assigned to serve, still did, such as giving hot chocolate to cold travelers, and making conversation to people as they waited.

This evening was the main session. The theme and text are taken from John 1:14, "The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

We were told this verse contains the means, the message, and the model by which we are to take the Gospel into the world. There was a great illustration of how Father Simon would reach people. He built his church over a former garbage dump. He went to the pig sties where the people he was trying to reach would hide from him. He'd get in there, sinking his boots into the filth. He lit a torch, searching for them as they hid. Once he found them, he would take them by the hand and kiss their hand and their head, and if after all that they would still reject them, he'd put shoes on their feet.

Let's not be afraid to walk through the mud.

Jim Trebbe, Urbana president told us, "Let go of your expectations and let God be God."

That having been said, I'm excited for tomorrow.

"...We Would Both Live Forever."

2009-11-11T22:53:00.010-06:00

I wrote here a few months ago that I was more determined to live than I ever had been. The running, the sprinting hills, the insane workouts, the CPAP machine to treat my apnea, all of that is because I want to live.

Throughout all of that, my dog Roxanne has been with me. She was the main reason I would close the computer and go running, or head out to the woods. She was the main reason I lost 22 pounds.

Yesterday I took her to the vet and found out she had leukemia. The family made the hard decision last night, and we had our final moments this morning.

I don't really know how long I've had her, but I know I have been very blessed to have had her as long as I did.

Here are some of my favorite moments over the past year.

I could never tell her no.

"A noble spirt embiggens the smallest man."

At our favorite place, Juden Creek.

After a four mile hike at the Silver Mine

At Silver Mine over Labor Day

Jungle Dog!!!

Cheering on Kyle, Jordan, and myself during our Epic Marathon of Stairs

At the top of the rim of the Giant Hole, (which she climbed by herself)

Black Lab in the snow.

It's a good day to be a dog.

Watching me at Wet Weather Falls

Back porch during the winter. Josh thinks her flea collar looks like a Britney Spears mic

After this picture was taken, all of the international students had their pictures taken with Roxanne

There is in nature mutualistic symbiosis, where two organisms enjoy a relationship that benefits both, such as birds that peck meat from between the teeth of crocodiles. When I got Roxanne, she was entering the final stage of her live, as labs tend to live 12-14 years. There wasn't room for her at my sister's house as the other dogs were eating her food and she didn't have time to walk her.

From the time I got her until the very end, we were doing on average two miles a day. I took her to the woods, and she joined me in everything I did outside, as I found myself being more and more active. As a result, her life was extended well beyond the average lifespan to 17. My sister thinks she could have lived to 20 if not for the cancer. I dropped from 242 down to 220, and am sleeping much better. Our symbiosis has increased both of our lives in years and quality.

After we made the decision, I went on a two mile run. It was the first time I've run distance on my own. I figured if I could complete the run, I'd be better. I finished the run, but the goodbye was still very hard.

As I was running, I imagined her still setting the pace. I ran up a hill, and moved from beneath a street lamp's orange light into the dark street. I looked up and saw the belt of Orion, and Plieades shine through the night's dusky cloak, and remembered why I took up running in the first place.

Every step was made with purpose. Every breath, drawn with determination. Every movement made free from fear.

A few months ago when I was in the middle of triathlon training, Roxanne and I were out running. She just got back from the vet and had lost weight. I thought to her, "If I could give you my determination to live, we would both live forever."

Our final moments

How I'll always Remember You.

The Symmetry of Water

2009-11-05T23:26:00.019-06:00

Before I begin I'd like to give a couple of shoutouts.

First to A New Kind of Art by Josh Reeves. http://jreevesart.blogspot.com

He's a lanky-muppety sorta fellow who looks like Jim on the Office and plays drums like Wilco's Glenn Kotche

His art embodies sexy. You can see for yourself. (Also, I took the pictures he has up.)

Next: The Working Paper's by Micah Rains. http://micahrains.blogspot.com

I'm not jealous at all that he got to spend a month in India doing ministry. Not jealous whatsoever. No even in the slightest. Really, I'm not.

All right, now that's out of the way. I've found myself enthralled by the beauty of water. We live on a planet finely tuned to carry liquid water and thus support intelligent life, which not only allows me to take these pictures, but to appreciate the beauty of it.

Still water creates a perfect mirror. I think these are among the most beautiful pictures I've taken.

The lower pond of Juden Creek, lit in Autumn's blaze

These next three were taken at the Tree Farm

one of my favorite places on earth

Tree Farm at Twilight

(actual twilight, not those books and movies I've

neither viewed nor read)

The next four were taken at the Silver Mine over Labor Day, and with my Canon powershot

Cherokee Lagoon

(I've swam from one end to the other. I remember Bobby Brune got a leach.)

Scivally Bridge

Bollinger Mill

Cape County North

Here we are back at lower pond of Juden Creek
This was Summer

Same pond, at the start of Spring

Missouri's by no means known for beautiful, or even tasty water. Still, it has it's own subtle beauty nonetheless.

I was recently challenged to do something more with my photos, rather my ability to capture such images. I'd like to answer that challenge, though I'm not necessarily sure how to. But then if I did it wouldn't be a challenge.

We'll see what happens. I'm excited.

"Alive Now in Your Fall"

2009-10-26T19:58:00.009-05:00

If you've never spent the night in an RV in Kroger parking lot with a Norwegian, you're missing out.